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Monthly Archives: February 2010

Buck Scent

Caution:  This blog entry reflects some of the immaturity of my early married life, which I may or may not have grown out of.

Years ago, I decided I wanted to try my hand at archery.  I bought a camouflage compound bow, complete with some broad head hunting arrows and also some target arrows.  I set up a couple of targets in our back yard, and actually got pretty darn good at hitting the bull’s eye from 50 yards.  It was a lot of fun, and as most hobbies go, the better I got, the more serious the hobby became.  I shot an eight foot rattle snake in my driveway from 20 yards.

I decided I should go deer hunting now that I was so good.  I consulted with the local sportsman store, and they outfitted me with special clothes and such, and before I could get out the door, they sold me the sure thing that would allow me to be amongst the deer and they wouldn’t even know I was human.  Deer scent number 69.  That’s right, I would rub this stuff on me before the hunt and presto, the deer would think I was one of them.

What was this magic potion?  It was a concoction of deer urine.  Don’t ask me how they got it.  I imagine there is a deer club that sells it to humans in exchange for a pass during hunting season.  The sales pitch is that it would attract big bucks.  I tested it by rubbing a bunch of this stuff on my neighbor’s door frame.  Sure enough, a big buck came rubbing its horns on my neighbor’s door.  I didn’t ever tell my neighbor what had happened, it’s still my little secret.

I don’t get the attraction, this stuff smells like your dog defecated in an old shoe- so why a buck would be attracted to it is beyond me.  I prefer Chanel No. 5.  So, when I rubbed a bunch of this stuff on my neighbor’s door, it was a nice prank because it was sooooo rank.  When my kids were young, my neighbor was incredibly rude to my boys who liked to skateboard on the street, consequently I actually don’t like my neighbor much, can you tell?  When I was a teenager, I would have given my right eye to have a magic potion to attract the opposite sex.  I would have peed all over myself if that was all it took- but alas, we are not animals, we have to actually go through a much more complicated ritual to attract our mates.

So what is the point of all of this?  If you have a neighbor you don’t like much, try rubbing Deer Scent #69 on their door just for fun (trust me, deer can find their door from miles away!).  If you want to attract the opposite sex, don’t pee on yourself- it never works.  And most important, if your hobby takes you down roads that have you applying deer urine to your body to enjoy the best success- find a new hobby!!

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Posted by on February 11, 2010 in Uncategorized